Kohona and Suna Theatre Troupe7: Romeo and Juliet
by nocturnalMusings
Summary: When Shino gets a bright idea, will the two villages suffer? And what's with the blackmail, acting, and really weird plays? What do you think happens when Romeo and Juliet meets Naruto? Laughs, fun, and really weird rehersals!
1. Casting Calls and Cursed Dolls

Chapter 1- Casting Calls and Cursed Dolls

Hey there! Here I am, with a new story that tells you a little about myself as well as how interaction with the people around you can make you a better person or drive you mad! Hope you like the new series: _Kohona and Suna Ninja Theatre Troupe # 7, _in their production of_ Romeo and Juliet!_

**ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!**

No one really planned for this to happen. No one in their right mind would have ever thought it possible, but it happened. As the shinobi of Kohona and Suna gathered before the large decrepit building, the only thing running through their heads was this: Shino, are you on crack?

No, our beloved bug boy was not on crack, but from the look of him, you would want to question if he was. He was positively giddy with happiness, because his appeal came through and it was possible to fulfill his lifelong dream: a joint theatrical troupe of shinobi from both Suna and Kohona to perform traditional and modern plays from all over the world. Whistling quietly to himself, the enigmatic young member of team eight wandered past the group of shinobi waiting at the door and pulled out an old key from his pocket. Turning to face the group, he said in a quiet but cheery voice, "Welcome to the Kohona Theatre!"

**ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!**

_0800 hours: Start of Auditions_

Shino didn't know what first started his love of theatre and the arts, but he did know how one dark night, leafing through one of his many volumes of Shakespearean collective works, he got a small twinge of longing to bring art to his fellow shinobi. That is why there were twenty-nine miscellaneous shinobi from two villages shivering in the early morning chill, standing before him and an open door leading into a semi-run down theatre and their "unconquerable fate", as Neji put it, shivering and clutching his caramel mochachinno miserably. Shino simply shrugged and waltzed in, letting the stale smell of a good old theatre swirl about him and cause Sasuke to gag on the dust, finally remembering that he should have taken his allergy medication that morning. Naruto stood beside his teammate, blinking sleepily and clutching a takeout bag of ramen in his hand. Sakura cooed over the Uchiha heir like a worried mother hen, and Tenten stepped up to stand with Shino, facing her comrades.

"Now as you know, Shino and I put our sweat, blood and tears into getting this approved and Tsunade-san, in all her infinite wisdom, hasn't even thought about a budget yet."

"HEY!"

" So for now, we'll tell you the play is Romeo and Juliet, in case you forgot. Auditions start today, and by tomorrow we will have the cast list ready in time for our usual eight o' clock meeting here in the lobby."

"Joy," said Sasuke bitterly, still trying to recover from his near-asthma attack.

"Well, let's get started. I, as Director; and Tenten, as Stage Manager, will now introduce you to Iruka, our Producer."

Amid the sleepy clapping and yawns, Iruka stepped forward, and smiled graciously at the others. "It's wonderful to see you all here. In conjunction with my duties as Producer, I've taken the liberty of also being the costume designer. Remember folks, we're all in this together, so we have to make this work. Now, let's begin!"

**ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!**

_0815 hours: Sakura Haruno, Genin, Kohona, Age 13_

"Okay, Sakura, just read the lines, and get it over with. It's all you."

"I know, Iruka, don't start patronizing me, or I'll get really pissed off at you."

"Just go…"

"Right."

Sakura took a deep breath, and in a tinkling little voice, she said her monologue.

"Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this; for saints have hands that pilgrims do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmer's kiss." She turned to face Sasuke, fixing him with a stare. "Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer. Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake. Then have my lips the sin that they have took. You kiss by the book."

She snaps her head to face the panel. "So do I get the part?"

"We'll get back to you on that," Shino told her mildly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What Shino means is that we'll think about it."

**ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!**

_0825 hours: Sasuke Uchiha, Genin, Kohona, Age 13_

"Why am I doing this again?"

"Sasuke-kun, don't you remember? You bet Naruto a thousand ryo and a free meal at Ichiraku's that you could get a better role than him."

"Right."

"Begin, Sasuke."

He fixed the panel with a soft stare, and with a slight but quietly endearing voice read:

"She speaks. O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art as glorious to this night, being o'er my head, as is a winged messenger of heaven unto the white-upturned wond'ring eyes of mortals that fall back to gaze on him when he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds and sails upon the bosom of the air."

"Tenten? Tenten?! Are you alright?"

Shino frantically shook the kunoichi on the shoulder, wondering perhaps if for a split second she was dead. But no, she had simply reeled over in shock. One could say that Sasuke had caught the elusive tomboyish weapons-mistress off-guard. His reaction? A cough, and a smirk, and he walked from the stage.

**ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!**

_0840 hours: Ino Yamanaka, Genin, Kohona, Age 13_

"I just want you all to know that I am going to be Juliet, and Sasu-kun's going to be Romeo, and there's nothing the Abominable Forehead over there can do about it."

"INO, I SWEAR IF YOU MAKE ONE MORE CRACK ABOUT MY FOREHEAD, I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL KILL YOU!"

Ino slumped, and curled up in a ball, trying to hide from Sakura. Gaara, from the middle of the line, looked at the pink-haired kunoichi sitting near him. As Ino began gibbering incoherently, he looked over, and happily exclaimed, "I love you! Thank you for finally doing that!"

Crickets chirped briefly, then Sakura looks over at him. "That's the nicest thing any boy has ever said to me. Thanks, Gaara!"

"I do what I can."

Ino composed herself, and began in an overly loud and obnoxiously overplayed voice:

"Romeo, o Romeo!…"

"NEXT!"

Tenten had been revived, and was furiously shaking Shino by the collar of his jacket, sobbing, "For the love of God, please send in the next one! I BEG OF YOU!!!"

Ino blinked.

"You could have just said no…"

**ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!**

_0845 hours: Sabaku no Temari, Genin, Suna, Age 15_

"Now old desire doth in his deathbed lie, and young affection gapes to be his heir. That fair for which love groaned for and would die, with tender Juliet matched, is now not fair."

"Good so far…" said Shino quietly.

"Yes, quite good…" replied Tenten.

"Did I remember to turn off the stove," wondered Iruka aloud.

"Now Romeo is beloved, and loves again, alike bewitched by the charm of looks; but to his foe supposed he must complain,…"

"Okay, that's enough."

"Are you sure? I don't think I messed up, I could go on longer…"

"No, dear, it's fine."

"Iruka-sama, are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Alright. Kanky-kun, I want my fan back, now!"

"HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU, WOMAN?! DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

**ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!**

_1000 hours: Break for breakfast_

"I still have dust up my nose," said Sasuke with a sniff.

"Aw, has 'oo got da snuffoo's?"

"Naruto, don't ever patronize me, because I do not appreciate being talked to like a small child or an infant."

"Sorry, Sasuke."

With the Sand-Sibs…

"Gaara, you have a bit of dust on your face…"

"Temari, it's…"

"Just let me..."

"No…"

"Just give me a sec…"

"No…"

"GAARA…"

"TEMARI…"

"KANKURO!"

Insert sweat drop here…

"What? Can't I say my name too?"

Jaraiya, who was joined by the male Sand-Sibs, was recounting one of his exploits to Kakashi.

"..and so I asked him, 'Eh, Ibiki, where's your good sake gone?' And if you can believe it, the great interrogator goes and says, 'Some teme's gone and stolen it all. Hey, Jaraiya, where'd you get that bottle of sake from? Can I buy it?' and the baka goes and buys back all of his own sake!"

Kakashi, Kankuro, and Gaara burst out laughing. Temari and Tsunade stared at them disgustedly.

"We really don't need to hear of your 'adventures', Jaraiya."

"Eh, I know, Tsunade. But really, I wasn't doing anything wrong, because he'd lifted that sake from the basement of a feudal lord, so really, I was doing everyone a public service."

"I don't know where you learned right from wrong, but I think you skipped a few crucial lessons."

**ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!**

_1100 hours: Kiba Inuzuka and Hinata Hyuuga, Genin, Kohona, Age 13_

"M-my fan, Peter."

"Good Peter, to hide her face; for the fan's the fairest of the two."

"NO, YOU BLOODY IDIOT! The line is 'Good Peter, to hide her face; for her fan's the fairer of the two'!"

"Sorry Hinata, please now, Hinata, put down the dangerous weapon…"

Hinata was shaking in anger, rolling the script into a tube, and looking as though she wanted to hit him over the head with it. This was the sixth time they had to repeat the lines exchanged between Mercutio and the Nurse in Act II, scene four, and Kiba had yet to recite the first line correctly.

"Hinata, this isn't even proper grammar, how do you expect me to read it?!"

"THE GRAMMAR'S PERFECTLY FINE, KIBA! YOU JUST DIDN'T PRACTICE LIKE I TOLD YOU TO, DID YOU?! IF I TOLD YOU ONCE, I'VE TOLD YOU A THOUSAND TIMES: YOU SUCK, KIBA!!! I can't work like this."

She turned to face the panel, who had their mouths agape in pure shock. "I'm sorry, but I REALLY need a bubble bath…"

**ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!**

_1200 hours: Neji Hyuuga, Genin, Kohona, Age 14_

It had been nearly seven auditions, where no one showed any particular promise in anything that they had seen. The only people of any merit were Shika and Choji. Tenten was ready to pull an Itachi and slaughter everyone in the theatre, Shino was in dire need of a good strong cup of black coffee, and Iruka was popping Advil like they were Junior Mints. Iruka looked at the list and promptly spit out the herbal tea he was drinking.

"Iruka-sensei, are you okay?"

"I'm just making sure my eyes aren't playing some cruel joke on me…"

"Who's next?"

Iruka blinked for the billionth time, checked to make sure he wasn't wrong, then said, "Hyuuga Neji, please take the stage."

Neji stomped up the ramp, which made a pained squeak of protest. He shot a death glare toward it, and sulked his way to center stage.

"Neji-kun! So glad to see you made it!"

"I hate you."  
"Aw, Neji! That's no way to treat a teammate!"

"Damn you, damn the world, and damn Martha Stuart."

"Who's this 'Martha'? Neji, have you been sneaking behind my back?!"

"Why would you say that?! We weren't even going out!"

Everyone had their eyes glued to the two teammates, heads looking from one to the other as though it were a heated ping pong match, staring from one screaming Genin to the other. (A/N: Have you noticed how everyone uses the tennis match simile but no one uses ping pong? How sad…)

"So we had spent that incredible night together, and you don't even call me back? I hate you, Hyuuga Neji! I hate you!"

"See there, you're twisting my words around! That is why I never asked you out!"

"So you only came to try out for the play to torture me, did you! Well, tough luck pal!"

"I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for that…" he began.

Shino looked up, curiosity piqued. "If it weren't for what, Neji?"

"Nothing, I didn't say anything! What picture? I said absolutely nothing about a picture! What are you talking about?! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!" the deranged young Hyuuga gave a hysterical little laughing fit lasting for about three minutes, then composed himself.

"Right, then… Begin."

"And since that time it is eleven years, for then she could stand alone; nay, by the rood, she could have run and waddled all about; for even the day before, she broke her brow; and then my husband (God be with his soul! 'A was a merry man) took up the child. 'Yea,' quoth he, 'dost thou fall upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou has more wit, will thou not, Jule?'" He turned to face the panel, who were giving him very disturbed looks. "And, by my holidam, the pretty wench left crying, and said 'Ay.' To see now how a jest shall come about! I warrant, an I should live a thousand years, I shall never forget it. 'Wilt thou not, Jule?' quoth he, and pretty fool, it stinted, and said 'Ay.'"

Now, as any of you with any Shakespearean background knows, the Nurse was making a joke about how Juliet was to, well, lose her virginity, to put it lightly, hence the weird looks the panel, the Sand-Sibs, and several of the elders and team seven were shooting at him. Neji of course had no idea of the meaning of what he just said, he was just reading.

"NEJI! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST REFFERED TO, DO YOU?!"

"No, I was just reading!"

"You just referred to a woman having sex!"

"Again, I don't know what those lines mean, okay?!"

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!"

**ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!**

_1500 hours: Sabaku no Gaara, Genin, Suna, Age 13_

Okay, so the past three hours had sent them Gai and Lee being complete goof balls onstage; Kakashi saying Romeo's famous speech to Iruka, causing Tenten to berate the Chuunin for info; and Jaraiya and Tsunade's fairly good performance of Mercutio's and Benvolio's speech in the orchard. The panel, comprised of Simon, Paula, and… wait, wrong show. The panel were all ready to either kill the entire troupe (Tenten), in need of some extremely strong coffee (Shino), or popping pills like so many chocolate covered peanuts (Iruka).

"Okay next is…" Shino choked and began to gag on his own saliva. Tenten whomped him on the back, and the bug user could breathe, albeit in short gasps. He blinked several billion times, just to check that his eyes were not off in Rwanda, committing suicide in the civil war.

"Well, who's next?"

Shino gulped, and turned to face the troupe. "Sabaku no Gaara, will you please take the stage?"

"Hn."

Gaara stepped up the ramp, causing just a mere groan from the tired wood. Sweeping his way center stage, he cleared his throat and began to act. Not recite, oh no: act.

"O, then I see Queen Mab hath been with you. She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes in shape no bigger than an agate stone on the forefinger of an alderman, drawn with a team of little antomies athwart men's noses as they lie asleep; her wagon spokes made of long spinners' legs, the cover, of the wings of grasshoppers; her traces, of the smallest spider's web; her collars, of the moonshine's wat'ry beams; her whip, of cricket's bone; the lash, of film; her wagoner, a small grey-coated gnat, not half so big as a round little worm pricked from the lazy finger of a maid; her chariot is an empty hazelnut, made by the joiner squirrel or old grub, time out o' mind the fairies' coachmakers."

He turned to face Sasuke, Naruto, and Neji, who had sat to patiently wait out the day, until Naruto went.

"And in this state she gallops night by night, through lovers' brains, and they dream of love; o'er courtiers' knees, that dream on curtsies straight; o'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees; o'er ladies' lips, who straight on kisses dream, which oft of the angry Mab with blisters plagues, because their breath with sweetmeats tainted are. Sometimes she gallops o'er a courtiers' nose, and then dreams he of smelling out a suit, and sometime comes she with a tithe-pig's tail tickling a person's nose as 'a lies asleep, then dreams he of another benefree. Sometimes she driveth o'er a soldier's neck, and then dreams he of cutting foreign throats, of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades, of healths five fathoms deep; and then anon drums in his ear, at which he starts and wakes, and being thus frighted, swears a prayer or two and sleeps again. This is that very Mab that plaits the manes of horses in the night and bakes the elflocks in foul sluttish hairs, which once untangled much misfortune bodes." He began to get really into it now, seemingly on the verge of a rant. Everyone stared at the soon-to-be-Kazekage, wondering if this was the same Gaara they all knew or just some stranger they had never met. "This is the hag, when maids lie on their backs, that presses them and learns them first to bear, making them women of good carriage. This is she- True, I talk of dreams; which are the children of an idle brain, begot of nothing but vain fantasy; which is as thin a substance as the air, and more inconstant than the wind, who woos even now the frozen bosom of the North and, being angered, puff away from thence, turning his face to the dew-dropping South."

Silence. Stunned silence. True, the speech was good for him, but the acting was very good indeed. It was, however, nothing compared to what came next.

**ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!**

_1530 hours: Naruto Uzumaki, Genin, Kohona, Age 13_

"Okay, who's up next?"

"Out of the twenty-five odd people we saw? Naruto Uzumaki, please take the stage."

Naruto walked up the ramp, still a bit sleepy after the big ramen lunch he'd eaten. Everyone's eyes were on him.

"Begin!"

He flipped opened the playbook, clearing his throat. "I am hurt...A plague o' both your houses! I am sped. Is he gone, and hath nothing...Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, 'tis enough..." He clutched his side, pretending he was bleeding, his face contorting to give a pained but happy smile. "No...'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve...Ask for me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man." He laughed painfully, face now contorted into a frown. "I am peppered...I, warrant, for this world. A plague o' both your houses! 'Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a cat...to scratch a man to death..." He took a deep breath, pretending to be suffering, doing a very good job of it, might I add. "A braggart! A rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of arithmetic!" He hitched his breath. "Why the devil you came between us? I was hurt under your arm..."

Cue the stunned silence. The panel went completely quiet. Even Akamaru stopped his barking. All around, there soon came enthusiastic applause. Naruto gave a grin, and bowed low. He then left the stage.

**ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!**

_1600 hours: Sabaku no Kankuro, Genin, Suna, Age 14_

Kankuro took the stage, and pulled out Kurasu. He then attatched his chakra strings, and began.

"Gregory, oh my word, we'll not carry coals," said Kankuro, manipulating the puppet's mouth like a ventriloquist. Kurasu suddenly turned his head in a complete three-sitxty and began to wrap its hands around him.

"Gaara, what did you do to my puppet?! It's choking me!"

With a scream, Kankuro ran, the puppet still attempting to kill him. Chuckling quietly to himself, Gaara detached his own chakra from the puppet and smiled.

**ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!ARTISABANG,UN!**

That's the first chapter! I hope you review lots!


	2. Night of the Sadistic Director

Chapter two: Night of the Sadistic Director

Hey! It's finally chapter two! I am so glad that I got this idea. Now here's chappie two! 

Do not own Naruto. C'mon, did you really expect me to?

**sugarsugarsugarsugarsugar**

_2000 hours: Aburame house, cast list rough draft_

Shino was steamed. Like broccoli. With cheese. Tenten was insisting for Naruto to be Romeo, while Iruka just kept on doing that annoying thing where he popped an Advil in his mouth, and looked at the cast list while saying that Kakashi should do it. Shino stubbornly refused to let either of them decide, because as Director, he had the final say in all aspects, including the cast list. So far, this was all they'd agreed on:

Romeo- n/a

Juliet- n/a

Friar Lawrence- n/a

In fact, that was basically how the rest of the list went; each and every spot was blank. Shino took a large gulp of some strong black coffee. If things went the way they were going now, they'd never get the cast list up.

"I say that Kakashi should do it; he had the best presentation."

"That's only because you're shacking up with him, isn't it, Iruka-sensei?"

"The two of you are going out the window if you argue about that one more time."

Tenten looked at her watch, then gathered her stuff.

"Well Shino, I gotta get home; Ma's probably freaking out over the time."

"I need to check on the house, then get grading. I have tests to hand back on Monday."

The two left, and Shino sighed. This was going to be troublesome, to quote Shikamaru, and though the three hadn't agreed completely on every part, he'd determined the parts from their discussion. Smiling sadistically, he began penciling in names.

**sugarsugarsugarsugarsugar**

_0800 hours: Kohona Theatre (undergoing renovations),Cast List posting. _

The queue in front of the theatre that morning was so large that Shino had trouble getting them to calm down. He unlocked the door, and the first four through the door were Neji, clasping a mocha/caramel Frappechino in one hand and a warm Danish in the other; Sasuke holding an Evian bottle, taking a dose of Zertec on the way in; Naruto, clutching a ramen cup in one hand, chopsticks in the other; and finally Gaara, sweeping in with the stage presence of a seasoned thespian, carrying his unsweetened Thai green tea.

"Okay, people, the list goes as is, no questions asked. If you complain, we won't hesitate to replace you. If you whine, we really _will_ replace you. Iruka even tried out, and he doesn't know what part he got either, so can it or we won't tell you."

Silence fell like the plague upon the troupe, and Shino cleared his throat. Tenten gave him the clipboard with the list on it, nodding her head in approval at the choices.

"The Chorus- Sabaku no Temari…"

Claps of approval, while she gave a small bow.

"Rosaline- Sakura Haruno…"

Sakura smiled for the others, although she was a bit disappointed at not being Juliet.

"Peter- Sabaku no Kankuro…"

Kankuro shot a look at his younger sibling that plainly said "it's your fault."

"The Apothecary- Kiba Inuzuka…"

Hinata looked at him in disgust, knowing full well it was a pity-part. Kiba slowly inched away from the psychotic female.

"Abraham- Ino Yamanaka…"

"WHAT! I DESERVE JULIET AND YOU KNOW IT!!!"

"Erm…Sampson and Gregory- Shikamaru Nara and Choji Akimichi…"

"Hoo-rah! Chips for all!"

"Hn."

Shino cleared his throat again.

"Balthasar- Lee…Friar John- Gai… Prince Escalus- Iruka…"

"FO' REALS?! I GOT THE PRI-INCE! I GOT THE PRI-INCE! YAY!!!"

"Benvolio- Kakashi Hatake…"

"Joy…" he said bitterly, massaging the lump on his head given to him by Sasuke and Sakura when he read his book instead of paying attention.

"Paris- Neji Hyuuga…"

"Joy…"

"Lady Montague- Shizune…"

"Lovely…" said she, looking over at her senpai, who was laughing hysterically.

"Lord Montague- Genma…"

"Great…" he said, looking at the rather good-looking Shizune.

"Lady Capulet- Kerunai-sensei…"

"Oh thank god…" she breathed, knowing the worst was over.

"Lord Capulet- Hiashi Hyuuga…"

"WHAT?! THAT'S SICK! HE'S MY STUDENT'S FATHER!"

"SICK! THAT'S MY DAUGHTER'S TEACHER! I DIDN'T ASK TO DO THIS! I SWEAR I DIDN'T!!"

"Ok-ay…Tybalt- Sabaku no Gaara…"

"Yay. Skip about, squeal, clap hands, I'm so enthusiastic I could die…"

"The Nurse- Anko…"

"HOO-RAH!"

"Mercutio- Naruto Uzumaki…"

Everyone broke into applause. Naruto stepped up, took a bow, and smiled, then said, "I'd like to thank the Academy,…without whom I would've never gotten this far as a ninja…"

"Get off," said Shino, pushing him out of the way.

"Friar Lawrence- Tsunade…"

"Yay! Now I get to witness this entertaining torture! HOO-RAH!"

"And the final roles…"

The room got so quiet a dropped pin could make a deafening racket. This was the moment they'd all waited for: who would play Romeo and Juliet.

"The parts of Romeo and Juliet will go to…"

Everyone leaned in, barely breathing in the suspense.

"Sasuke Uchiha and Hinata Hyuuga."

**Sugarsugarsugarsugarsugar**

_0815 hours: Lobby of the Kohona Theatre (undergoing renovations)_

"WHAT?!"

The two heirs ran up to Shino, who backed into the corner, fearing for his life. Each had activated their respective bloodlines, and Shino could tell he was in for a world of hurt.

"HOW COULD YOU PAIR ME WITH THAT INCOMPETEANT…" Sasuke began, pointing toward Hinata.

"EGOTISTICAL…" Hinata added, indicating Sasuke.

"SPOILED..."

"SELFISH…"

"STUTTERING…"

"SELF-ABSORBED…"

"JACKASS!!" they finished at the same time.

The theatre was in shock. Hiashi didn't even get a word in to Hinata at how she should watch her language before the arguing set in.

"YOU ARE A SELFISH BASTARD, YOU KNOW THAT?!"

"AT LEAST I'M NOT A PAMPERED LITTLE PRINCESS!"

"At least I actually am a girl, and don't just look like one!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"

"YOU HEARD ME!"

"Enough!"

The two heirs stopped their yelling match at this sudden outburst from Shino. He was furious.

"I am sick of this stupid feuding between the two clans. It's like a living demented version of the play. If you two can set aside your differences for the good of the play, we can get this done without killing off what little sanity I have left, OKAY?!"

The two looked at each other in contempt, though they knew Shino was right. If this was going to work, they'd have to put aside the yelling for later. For the sake of everyone present, they didn't want to strain Shino's sanity any more than it already was.

**sugarsugarsugarsugarsugar**

_0830 hours: Stage of the Kohona Theatre (undergoing renovations)_

So the play went off to a rocky start, with arguments abounding. Gaara couldn't seem to get his sand under control long enough for Iruka to get his measurements, along with Sasuke nearly blasting his (Iruka's) head off with the Chidori when he tapped his shoulder to tell him he was next. The cast list was set in stone, and the cast could only look on in consternation:

_Romeo- Sasuke Uchiha_

_Juliet- Hinata Hyuuga_

_Friar Lawrence- Tsunade, Godaime Hokage_

_Mercutio- Naruto Uzumaki_

_The Nurse- Anko_

_Tybalt- Sabaku no Gaara_

_Capulet- Hiashi Hyuuga_

_Lady Capulet- Kerunai_

_Montague- Genma_

_Lady Montague- Shizune_

_Paris- Neji Hyuuga_

_Benvolio- Kakashi Hatake_

_Prince Escalus- Iruka_

_Friar John- Maito Gai_

_Balthasar- Rock Lee_

_Sampson- Shikamaru Nara_

_Gregory- Choji Akimichi_

_Abraham- Ino Yamanaka_

_The Apothecary- Kiba Inuzuka_

_Peter- Sabaku no Kankuro_

_Rosaline- Sakura Haruno_

_The Chorus- Sabaku no Temari_

_Townsfolk- ANBU_

_Police- ANBU Elite_

_Servants- Jounin and Chuunin_

**sugarsugarsugarsugarsugar**

Well, that's the second chapter. I hope you enjoy the story, especially since this is a series, and it's the first time I've ever tried a series. Review for Gaara! He lives off them!

Gaara: Don't forget the killings. I live off killings, too.

Me: Ignore him, he's out of his mind. (shoots with dart) On three, you will become calm. One…two…

Gaara: (Falls to floor and stares blankly ahead)

Me: Oo


	3. Guys are Stupid, Tenten

Chapter three: Guys are Stupid, Tenten.

HOO-RAH! I have four reviews. I know that there are over two hundred hits on this, so you better be reviewing, or I'm gonna get Zetsu to eat you! Serious!

Zetsu: Why? You know I get indigestion if I eat too much.

Me: Because out of all the characters in Naruto, you're the only one who eats people besides the demons.

Zetsu: OH…

Disclaimer: Like I really **need** one?

**FOODFOODFOODFOODFOODFOOD**

_0800 hours: Uzumaki Apartment_

Naruto woke up that morning, dreading going outside. He had awoke from a wonderful dream, involving a real family and a non-angsty Sasuke, and a really hot Sakura. He snuggled down in his covers, and ducked his head just in time to avoid being decapitated by his front door, which was being blown off its hinges. Before he could say "what the fook", he was being shaken violently by a very PMS-y Tenten.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW LATE YOU ARE?! SHINO'S GONNA HAVE MY HIDE IF YOU AREN'T DRESSED AND AT THE THEATRE IN THREE SECONDS, MISTER!!!"

"Itai! Why so loud, Tenten?! I'm awake, you know, not deaf!"

"You are so lucky that Shino is giving me until nine! Now get dressed and get your arse out here!!!"

**FOODFOODFOODFOODFOODFOOD**

_0830 hours: Uzumaki's Apartment complex _

"Are you done now? We still have another baka to pick up."

Naruto looked up, curiosity piqued. "Who?"

"That teme-prodigy on your team! I swear, that boy is exactly like Kakashi! He's not going to get far if he doesn't get up on time…"

"Wait…Sasuke-teme's late, too?"

"Yes, he's late! You didn't realize that?"

Naruto grinned, eyes crinkling endearingly.

"Well, whodathunkit Sasuke sleeps in?"

**FOODFOODFOODFOODFOODFOOD**

_0850 hours: Fifteen kilometers from the Uchiha Compound_

"So, Naruto, are you sure this is the right way?"

"Positive. I have to come here every day to make sure he hasn't killed himself training."

The duo made their way, hopping from one tree to another. As they traveled, they discussed the various ways they'd wake up Sasuke. Tenten suggested dressing as his parents and thereby scaring the shiznat out of him, but Naruto started saying Itachi and Kisame would be a better choice.

Finally, they were wandering the empty streets of the Uchiha compound. Naruto quickly brought her to the smallest house on the street, with a small kunai embedded in the wood with an "Enter and you die- this means you, Naruto" sign hanging off it. Smiling and shaking his head, he backed up, cracked his knuckles, and ran, kicking the door off its hinges. They walked into the dark house, sidestepping the various traps within.

Naruto "shh"-ed Tenten, and opened a door softly to reveal a tousled black head of hair on a white pillow, where soft snores were sounding.

"Sleeps like a rock, doesn't he?"

"Oh yes…"

Naruto strode over to the bed, looking down at Sasuke with a look of mock adoration plastered on his face.

"He looks so natural." He picked up his teammate by the collar of his black t-shirt. "Oh Sasuke…Sasuke… WAKE UP, SLEEPING BEAUTY!"

He shook the angsty adolescent vigorously. Nothing. Naruto frowned, because this was usually enough to wake him up. He let him drop, where he curled up under the covers, gurgling in his sleep. Tenten pushed him out of the way, and did what she usually did with Neji: She grabbed the bottom of the comforter, and pulled sharply. He curled up tighter, fighting the sudden cold, and Tenten tossed earplugs to Naruto. Securing her own, she pulled out a Klaxon airhorn, held it to Sasuke's ear, and pressed the button.

"ITAI! That hurts!"

Tenten pulled out the earplugs, and smiled sadistically at him.

"You're lucky Shino isn't here, or he'd have done worse. Wake up, you're late for rehearsal."

**FOODFOODFOODFOODFOODFOOD**

_0859 hours: Stage of the Kohona Theatre (Undergoing renovations)_

"Shino, are you sure that sorry excuse for a male lead is going to get here on time?"

"Hinata, they have twenty seconds."

Iruka looked up, worried. "Shino, I hope you be gentle with them.. they are two of the leads…"

Shino waved him off, and started to rub his hands together evilly. Tenten would be in for it if she were even three seconds late.

The rest of the cast watched fearfully as their director counted down the seconds…

Ten… 

Iruka bit his nails, not daring to look.

Nine… 

Hinata gave impatient little huffs, growing indignant at the lateness of her male opposite.

Eight… 

Gaara, looking over his lines, ignored Shino's display. He'd seen worse sadisticality.

Seven… 

Sakura prayed to every god she knew of for them to get there on time.

_Six…_

Kankuro was adjusting his puppets, trying to get Karasu's mouth to come unstuck.

_Five…_

Kiba was biting his nails, but out of habit, not worry.

_Four…_

Several ANBU looked at the Aburame in fearful reverence at the aura of sadisticality he was emanating.

Three… 

Kakashi entered with a soft "Oh my Not-God…"

_Two…_

Tenten burst through the doors, with a half-asleep Sasuke and a fully-awake Naruto. Sasuke was guzzling a bottle of water, having just taken his Zertec.

"Ha! Just in time!" Tenten shouted triumphantly.

…_One…_

Shino sighed, and turned to face the company.

"Well, now that we have all our leads, we can begin."

**FOODFOODFOODFOODFOODFOOD**

_0930 hours: Kohona Theatre_

"Sasuke, those are the wrong lines. It's 'he jests at scars that never felt a _wound_', not 'a _pain_'."

Hinata whapped him upside the head with her script.

"Idiot! Everyone knows that!"

She had really worked herself into a lather. She, like Shino, had a taste for the arts, and wanted all to be as it should. She wouldn't stand for an amateur screwing up his lines.

"ITAI! Will you stop doing that?!"

"Not until you remember your lines!"

Shino sighed, exasperation seeping from every pore. It was only a half-hour into rehearsal, and already they were arguing. Turning, he surveyed the others. Gaara and Naruto were working through Mercutio's death scene with Kakashi, even without a Romeo to throw in his two cents. Kankuro and the other minor characters were set to work by Jaraiya and Iruka, who were supervising them sewing costumes. Temari, Tsunade, and Tenten were discussing the script. Shino shook his head, turning toward the feuding heirs. He blew his handy-dandy silver penny-whistle, and the two (along with everyone, including the ANBU repair workers, in the vicinity) clutched their ears in pain.

"You two are going to have to stage-kiss in a couple minutes, so I suggest you don't kill one another."

The two blushed rather red, and looked away from each other, Hinata twiddling her fingers, Sasuke whistling a Panic! At the Disco song. (A/N: Hoo-rah!)

**FOODFOODFOODFOODFOODFOOD**

That's it! Hope you like the new chapter. Review or Sasuke will start singing Panic! At the Disco off-key!

Sasuke: I do not sing it off-key!

Me: (in a Texas drawl) Suuuure… (nudges him and exchanges knowing looks with the other team seven members)


	4. Fangirl Flood

Chapter four- Fangirl Flood 

Hey! Went on hiatus for a while for The Devil's Child and Masque of the Red Death, so read and review those while I mull over letting them drop or not. GaaSaku fluff in this, and fangirl floods too! Note: I got the idea for the dance that Temari does from **KatieDay**.

Insert Standard Disclaimer here.

**HIIIIIIIIII!HIIIIIIIIII!**

_0800 hours: Act Two, Scene four, balcony scene_

"What light, o'er yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun."

Sasuke paused for the billionth time, and looked over at Shino.

"It that how you say it?"

Shino nodded. Because of the recent events, Sasuke and Hinata's relationship frayed. It was said that the two had a nonexistent relationship, but that wasn't true at all. They knew each other fairly well, and at one point before the massacre of the Uchihas they were good friends. The lack of a truce between the two clans and the result of hormones had put an end to this. Her utter inability to notice anyone but Naruto helped this a little, because Sasuke didn't appreciate being ignored. Gaara and Sakura watched the three in silence, and Naruto being off with the rest of the cast on a hunt for silk and muslin for costumes helped this a bit.

_God, this silence is killing me! TALK TO HIM, STUPID!!_ Sighing, she broke the quiet.

"So, Gaara, how is it you're so good at this stuff?"

He looked at her oddly, like he'd been in the middle of thinking of something else and he'd realized that he was being called.

"Acting? I do it all the time in Suna. As children of the Kazekage, my siblings and I take part in many activities, especially plays, ceremonial dances, and parades."

"Ceremonial dances? I guess that's Temari."

"Yes. She does the annual Dance of Red Sand, which I'm unwilling to partake in. I really have no choice in the matter, because who else is going to move the sand the way it needs to be for the dance to work?"

"True. She uses a fan, I take it?"

"Of course. The fan moves the red sand like the wind, and I keep it from getting away from the stage, and keep it in its intricate pattern after the dance."

"It sounds hard."

"You have no idea. Plus, Temari's a total klutz with small fans. After every performance, she will drop at least one fan onstage. Kankuro's lucky, he only bothers with the lighting and sound."

Sakura giggled. Most people should talk at least once with Gaara; he could be really funny. She liked talking with the sand user. Despite the fact he'd almost killed her during the Chuunin exams (which he'd apologized for after he'd gotten home), she was warming up to the poor guy. He really needed someone to talk to, and it was pleasant to listen to him open up. The past three weeks were absolute chaos, with Iruka running out to get this and that, and everyone feverishly trying to rehearse lines without screwing up, so it was nice to listen to his level-headed take on the theatre, because he seemed to know exactly what he was doing. The ANBU had finished renovating, and Kohona's theatre house looked better than ever under all that dust, and chasing away spiders from the corners (Kankuro had excused himself to make some tea and hadn't come back for several hours) had been exactly what the theatre needed.

**HIIIIIIIIII!HIIIIIIIIII!**

_1000 hours: Act two, scene four_

"OH COME ON! THIS IS THE SIXTH TIME!!!"

Sasuke had stumbled on his lines again. He just didn't seem to get the language to roll off his tongue like Gaara and Naruto could. If ever he'd felt inferior in any way, this one experience trumped them all. He sighed, and shook his head to clear the fog. The meds were wearing off, and he needed a break for his Zertec. He listened to Iruka presiding over the others while they made the clothes and gown Juliet would wear for the masked ball. He heard talking, and fine-tuned his hearing to listen in. He was surprised to hear Sakura's bell-like tones mixing with the mellifluous bass wavelengths of Gaara's. He'd really grown in six or seven months, the last time they'd seen him being the Chuunin Exams. He wasn't the short little antisocial demon-vessel he'd been then: he had gotten taller, voice deeper, and a little more open.

He turned back to Hinata, who was now screaming at her father for his lack of funding. Neji sidestepped the female, joining Sasuke, who was also with Tenten.

"Neji, how do you put up with her?"

"I don't know. I tip my hat at my vigilance."

"Neji, you don't wear a hat."

"I know, but I wish I did."

Hinata had tired of yelling at her father and had now taken to criticizing the ANBU working on the set.

"YOU CALL THAT A BALCOLNY?! IT'S MORE LIKE A PORCH THAN A BALCOLNY!"

"Oh look," remarked Neji as he watched the poor man dissolve into sobs. "She managed to make an ANBU cry. Kudos, my little cousin."

A rumble was heard throughout the auditorium. Ino looked at Choji, but he raised his hands, saying "it wasn't me."

"SASU-KUN!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!"

Sasuke paled. It wasn't…

He saw them, and turned his tail and ran.

"FANGIRLS! RUN!"

"Sasuke! We can't hold the fans back any longer!'

"KEEP TRYING, GAI! LEE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP YOUR SENSEI!"

"Yosh! I shall!"

Suddenly, the door broke down, fans swarming in like beetles. Gaara, Shino, and the others looked at each other briefly, then Gaara and Shino grabbed Sakura, Naruto, and Hinata and ran.

"Meet you guys in Suna!" they yelled, and dragged the leads to the desert theatre of Suna.

**HIIIIIIIIII!HIIIIIIIIII!**

_1300 hours: Suna Theatre, four hundred kilometers from Kohona_

"Are you sure we're all safe here, Gaara?"

"Positive. I don't have any fangirls…yet."

Sakura looked at the sand user, and smiled.

"Thanks for letting all of us stay here until the fangirls can be carted out of the theatre at home."

"No problem. Anything for friends. Shino, toss me that chain over there."

He'd been chaining the door closed for the past hour, awaiting the approach of the rest of the troupe.

"Kankuro doesn't really like it in here, because we still have bugs in the backstage area."

Sasuke smirked. "So that's why he didn't fight Shino during the exams.'

"It's partially the reason behind it. He also didn't want Karasu to be seen quite so early in the finals."

Shino shook his head.

"And people think me and Gaara are weird…"

**HIIIIIIIIII!HIIIIIIIIII!**

Done! Hoo-rah. I'm going to have more tomorrow, so be good and sit tight, and don't forget to read and review!


	5. Seige of the Suna Theatre

Chapter five- Siege of the Suna Theatre

Sorry for not updating when I said I would. I just didn't have any time yesterday. Plus, was acting up again, so it took another week before it would allow me to upload.

Panda sorry. Panda good to little reviewerses, she is, she is.

Anyway, look at the name of the site. Look I say!

It says **fan**fiction. If I owned Naruto, why would I be on a site that says **fan**fiction?

**FLUFFFLUFFFLUFFFLUFF**

_0100 hours: Suna Theatre, four hundred kilometers from Kohona_

The troupe were all there. Unfortunately, they were also pursued by raging fangirls.

"Gaara graciously allowed us the use of the Suna theatre, due to the fangirls at our home theatre. Folks, this is a loan, so be careful."

"Yes, Shino," the troupe said in fearful reverence to the Aburame heir. The boy in question smiled. This was not exactly how he planned it, but it was going smoothly. Not only was the Suna theatre bigger, but it was also much nicer than the one at Kohona. It appeared that Suna enjoyed its theatre, and was willing to let others of the theatrical persuasion borrow it if need be.

"Now everyone," Tenten said, voice rising over the babble of the rest of the company as they took their seats. "This is still going to be as it is at home, but we can't leave the theatre. So find a partner, grab a blanket, and spoon up, 'cause it's cold out at night in the desert."

Everyone clumped into groups of two or three. Shino, Kiba, and Hinata shared a brown blanket near stage up-left; Sasuke, Neji, and Naruto, not trusting the girls or the entire cast for that matter, shared a black blanket on the apron, stage right; Kankuro, Temari, and a few others found a nice spot middle-center stage, stage down-left, middle-left, and up-left, The teachers, ANBU, and Chuunin and Jounin took up-center, middle-left, and down-left, eventually leaving Sakura and Gaara alone.

"So, Gaara…"

"Yeah…"

"Um…"

"Okay, sure."

So they grabbed the red blanket, and huddled in the upper-right corner of up-right. The two were quite comfortable with each other, and found no problem in spooning together for the night. It wasn't any problem for Sakura, so long as Gaara didn't snore (Naruto), snuggle (Kakashi, rather disturbingly), or kick (Sasuke, funnily but painfully). It was only until she heard Naruto's telltale snores that she remembered that Gaara couldn't sleep.

What sucked was that she couldn't either.

"Gaara?"

"Yes?"

"You're still awake, right?"

"Yeah, of course. That was kind of a stupid question."

"Shut up…Anyway, I can't sleep."

"Why not? It should be easy for you."

"I'm used to my own bed or sleeping in the same tent as the others."

Gaara knew that she was a bit neurotic, but this was ridiculous. Sighing, he whispered back.

"Yeah, well why don't I talk with you until you fall asleep. Don't worry, because I'll watch and make sure nothing happens."

She leaned back, head against his chest. Listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart through the fabric of his shirt, she nodded.

"Okay…what do you like the most?"

He thought a bit.

"Triple fudge ice cream."

"Get out! So do I! Okay, what's your favorite color?"

"Red. What's yours?"

"Pink and red."

"That's weird…Favorite drink?"

"Thai green tea, no sugar."

"Same here."

"Favorite book?"

"Collective works of Edgar Allen Poe."

"No way, same here! It's as though we like the exact same things…"

"Eerie…"  
"I know, right? Very…eerie…"

With a tired yawn, she snuggled down, still on Gaara's chest, and began to drift off.

"You know…I think I'd…rather have…you…than…Sasu…"

She gave in completely to sleep. Gaara was startled at her words. She preferred him? To Uchiha? Seriously? He pondered this all night as all around him, sleep descended to the rest of his comrades. As he drifted into a meditative state, he only thought about how she said she preferred him…

**FLUFFFLUFFFLUFFFLUFF**

_0730 hours: Suna Theatre_

Gaara got up, managing to keep from waking Sakura. Unchaining the door, he poked out his red mop of messy hair, and checked to make sure Baki kept his end of the bargain. Indeed he had, as he saw a few ramen packs, some tea, a thermos of coffee, another of hot water, and some pastries for the rest of the cast. Chuckling to himself, he grabbed the bag and bolted the door. He then grabbed the gong next to the door, positioned himself center stage, bowed, and struck the gong.

"ITAI! WHAT ARE YA TRYING TO DO, KILL US?!"

"Thank you, you're a lovely audience."

Sasuke rubbed his head, as the others around him awoke, groggily checking their watches and portable alarm clocks. Seeing the time, they gave a collective groan, and slumped down in their covers again. Sakura, however, miraculously managed to stay asleep. Gaara made his way to the pink kunoichi, and shook her arm gently.

"Sakura, time to get up…"

She lifted her head an inch from the ground, and mumbled, "Is it morning already?"

"Yes, Sakura, now we get up."

He held out his arm to help her up, lifting her with a mild "upsie-daisy" and a grunt.

"Now then," said Shino brightly, as if he did this every day. "Now that we're awake, let's get started."

Cue the collective groan.

**FLUFFFLUFFFLUFFFLUFF**

_0800 hours: Suna theatre_

"Sakura, remember, Rosaline is supposed to float, like the idea of a fine lady, so try again."

This was the tenth time they'd tried, and they couldn't get her to do it. It was about to be given up as a lost cause before…

"Here, Sakura, let me help."

Sakura turned, wearing her black and red corset dress, to face Gaara, dressed in his costume, and looking quite good in a black and red military jacket and slacks. It was the first dress rehearsal since the flood, and though they'd been there for two weeks, the company had yet to return home. Sasuke was fidgeting in his white and dark blue military uniform, while Hinata was trying to walk (without success) in her pure white ball gown. Nearly every noble in the play wore a military uniform or a ball gown, and the common folk wore simpler gowns and smocks with trousers. The shoes were fabric for the ladies, and for the men, leather.

"Iruka, you really outdid yourself on Sakura's and Hinata's dresses," remarked Neji.

"Indeed I did, Neji. I always had the image of Juliet and Rosaline being mirror opposites of each other, and now I see the effect really works."

"Indeed," said Sasuke, who was still sore at having to wear white.

"Now Sakura, remember, smaller strides. This will make it seem like your floating."

"Like this?"

Sakura walked the ten-odd feet to Gaara, dress gliding smoothly on the waxed mahogany floor.

"Perfect! Shino, we have the idea of a lady!"

"Great! How do you do it, you brilliant boy?"

Gaara smirked, thoroughly enjoying himself.

"I'm a performer. It's what I do!"

**FLUFFFLUFFFLUFFFLUFF**

That's it. I'm done with the chapter. I kind of snuck some GaaSaku fluff in there, too. Now that you got your update, I am going to bed, for it is almost twelve in the morning. Good night, and remember to read and review!


	6. Fruitcakes!

Chapter 6: FRUITCAKE!!!

I know, It's been like forever since I last updated, but I promise I'll try to update more! I promise!!!

Disclaimer: For the love of all that is holy, I'd kill to own Naruto!

* * *

_0800 hours: Suna theatre_

"Sasuke, get out of the supply closet!"

"NO! I LOOK RIDICULOUS!!"

"Sasuke," Gaara said, "We all look ridiculous! It's Romeo and Juliet!"

"I DON'T CARE! I'M NOT COMING OUT!!!"

Sakura was getting annoyed. "Sasuke, get out, you ignorant little boy!"

"I'm not a little boy!"

"Sasuke," Sakura deadpanned, "YOU ARE A BOY!"

"How do you know," Sasuke purred.

Shino shuddered. "Sasuke, that was absolutely disturbing, for the love of Kami-sama, don't ever do that again."

"Sorry." Sasuke sucked in a breath. "BUT THAT STILL DOESN'T MEAN I'M COMING OUT!!!"

"What?" Naruto poked his head out of his shirt for his costume. He'd been blissfully unaware of all that had happened over the last six minutes. "Sasuke's finally coming out?"

"No, because fathead," Sakura kicked the door, "won't unlock the closet."

"No, not that 'coming out'," Naruto said slyly. It finally clicked for Gaara, Sakura, and Shino, and they began dissolving into giggles.

"Naruto," said Sasuke in his deranged, say-that-again-I-kill-joo voice, "What are you insinuating?"

"Nothing," Naruto replied in a sugary-sweet, innocent voice. Gaara and Sakura couldn't take it anymore: they burst out laughing. After a bit, Shino joined them. They had to admit, the thought of Sasuke "coming out" was pretty funny.

"FINE! I'LL COME OUT OF THE FECKING CLOSET!"

That just caused the four to laugh even harder. The door opened, and Sasuke stepped out, fully dressed in his white costume, completely devoid of black or blue, thanks to Iruka. Gaara was dressed in his black and red costume, Sakura in her black and red dress, and the duo went into histerics at the disgruntled look on the Uchiha's face.

"You know, I still say Gaara's costume is cooler..."

Gaara wiped a tear from his eye. "Suck it up, you pansy."

* * *

_0830 hours: start of rehersal_

Everyone bustled about, fervently checking lines. It was a week before the play, and everyone, including the Sand-sibs, was nervous. Iruka was sewing like a madman, up to his armpits in atlerations.Sasuke had finally gotten through most of his lines without stuttering or replacing words, much to Shino's relief. (Hinata, however, was angry at not being able to hit the Uchiha anymore, and settled with stalking Naruto instead.) Everything was running smoothly, even Kiba was behaving. Gaara and Sakura were teaching the cast how to dance, thoroughly enjoying themselves as they watched Sasuke dancing awkwardly with Hinata (Once, Hiashi came up and whacked Sasuke in the head, screaming "Forbidden dance! Forbidden dance! NO TOUCHING!!!")

All in all, things were great: Even Shino was enjoying himself. That is, until...

CRASH!

"GODDAMN IT, NEJI!!!"

Tenten ripped the cord of the CD player out of the wall (much to the displeasure of the rest of the cast), and stomped over to Neji, who lay in a pile of broken glass.

"These frosted mirrors are expensive!!!"

Neji didn't answer; he'd been knocked out cold.

"Great..."

* * *

_1200 hours: Lunch_

"Are you sure they aren't poisoned?"

"Sakura," Gaara said, "for the 16,484th time, I'M SURE! NOW EAT THE FECKING ONIGIRI!!!"

"Okay, no need to shout. Just so long as the fruitcake in-denile over there doesn't eat them all first." The duo looked over at Sasuke, who was shoveling onigiri in his mouth so fast that he put Naruto to shame.

"Who said what about a fruitcake? I love fruitcake!"

"What the... Kankuro!? Where'd you come from?!"

"Well, Gaara, see, when Mom and Dad met, they..."

"NEVER MIND, KANKURO!"

* * *

Fun theatre fact: It's considered taboo to have a reflected surface onstage, so actors and actresses often frost over the mirrors with hairspray. Review! 


	7. We're Going On Tour?

I missed this fic! When summer started, I forgot about Romeo and Juliet for a while...

Disclaimer: Wow, gosh...how about, no?

* * *

_0900 hours: Konoha theatre, fangirl-proofed_

"NEJI, NO! DON'T...!"

Crash! Smash! "OOF!"

Neji had suceeded in tripping over his own feet, and spilling ketchup on...

"NO! HINATA'S DRESS!"

Iruka whacked Neji with a broom, screaming all the while. " DO YOU REALIZE HOW HARD IT IS TO REMOVE A KETCHUP STAIN?!"

A weak "ow..." was all that Neji could muster at the moment. Sasuke and the others were focusing on the script. It was two days before the play, and everyone was frantic. It was finally safe to enter Konoha, and everyone was relieved to hear that they could sleep in a normal bed.

"Gaara...I need help with the bodice...can you come over here for a minute?"

Gaara turned to see Sakura, struggling with the complicated bodice on her corset dress. He strode over, and laced the dress, while Sasuke watched the duo in jealousy.Gaara ran a finger down the crossed laces for kinks, and Sasuke became even more enraged. But he kept his head, and watched as Sakura gave Gaara a bow of thanks.

"Damn it all...Tsunade, get the bleach...and the extra dress..."

* * *

_1200 hours: Lunch break_

"Okay, people..." said Shino as everyone got together for dango, ramen, and onigiri, "We have a slight change for the play..."

"What?!" cried the company in unison.

"Small snag," said Tenten, "Apparently, we're going on tour..."

"That's not a snag, that's a blessing!" said Gaara, a shadow of happiness in his tone.

"Here's the snag...we perform tomorrow..."

* * *

Sorry, people, but that's about as much as I can write at the moment...sorry for the short chapter...

OMG, REVIEW!!!


	8. Opening Night

OMG! School starts the week after next here in Nowheresville! Wow, time flies, huh? Finally finishing this one, so have fun! BTW...paranoid-Neji is an idea from **Akai Ito**...read her behind the scenes Naruto fic! It rox!

Disclaimer: I own a copy of Naruto Ultimate Ninja one and Naruto Uzumaki Chronicles, but not the show...

* * *

_0800 hours: Konoha theatre_

"GAARA! WE NEED HELP OVER HERE!"

Iruka was hemming a few dresses. After Shino's announcement, Iruka had fainted; Gaara, Sakura, Kakashi, and Naruto had to hold Sasuke back to prevent him from strangling the Aburame; Hinata gasped; and Neji started cowering in the corner, rocking back and forth singing "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider" under his breath. Now it was the day, and they'd woke up at five in the morning just to get ready.

"Neji-kun," said Hinata, being her usual shy self for once, "Please stop singing that song...you've been singing it for three hours now..."

"The itsy-bitsy spider went up the water spout..."

"Neji-kun?"

"Down came the rain and it washed the spider out..."

"Neji..."

"Out came the sun and dried up all the rain..."

"Neji, shut up..."

"And the itsy-bitsy spider went up the spout again..."

"Finally..."

"Hinata, the spider wants to eat me...but he's up the spout...but the rain washed him out...and he went back up...does he get to the top? DOES HE?! TELL ME!!!"

"Neji, he does not, now SHUT UP!!"

* * *

_1800 hours: Konoha theatre_

It was now exactly six o'clock. Normally, Konoha would be bustling with night-owls, Naruto being heard from Ichiraku's ramen stand, Sasuke training with Kakashi, Baki strolling through Suna, wondering whether or not he should go visit his students at the Kazekage mansion, Sakura practicing healing justu well into the night...instead, a large crowd gathered in front of the theatre, tickets in hand and shivering in the early autumn chill. Baki walked into the side entrance, containers of food in his arms. Since the troupe's refuge in the Suna theatre, he'd become the official caterer without even realizing it.

Inside the backstage area, mass hysteria ensued. Sasuke was reading his lines so fast his eyes were a blur. Gaara's nerves were on a razor-sharp edge, and he had flipped Naruto over one of the tables just for asking about the time. Baki calmly ducked as Naruto went flying overhead, looped around a frantic Sakura, sidestepped a hysterical Hinata (who was trying to extract Neji from a cupboard), and set out dinner on the table. The cast smelled the ramen, and flocked to the table. Within six minutes, the table was completely bare.

"Gaara?"

The firey red-head turned to face Sakura, in costume, and holding out a plate of onigiri.

"Gaara, you need to eat. You haven't eaten in two days."

Gaara nodded, relaxed, and acepted the plate. "Thanks."

"Gaara said thanks," screamed Kankuro, "It's a sign of the apocalypse! We need everyone to calmly...RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!"

CRACK! THUD. An irate Gaara and Sakura were standing before a now-passed out Kankuro. The rest of the cast sweatdropped as the two weirdos went back to their onigiri.

* * *

_1900 hours: Konoha Theatre, 5 minutes until start_

"You ready, peoples?"

"READY," shouted the cast.

Shino smiled. It had been a long, arduous, and painful journey, but it was finally time. "Team, make Konoha and Suna proud."

* * *

_Needless to say, the play was a hit. Amazing reviews were written, and people were stunned with Sasuke and Hinata's performences. People provided honorable mentions for Sakura, Gaara, Hiashi, Neji, and a few other castmates; but none recieved the rave reviews that Naruto did. Shino and the cast soon swelled their ranks as new shinobi joined the troupe, and Shino hinted at a musical._

_We'll just have to wait and see what's in store for the world-renowned Konoha and Suna Theatre Troupe 7._

* * *

DONE AT LAST! SHANNARO! REVIEW!


End file.
